


Second Chances

by ashcat



Category: Rules (Manga)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-25
Updated: 2007-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-09 20:09:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/91119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashcat/pseuds/ashcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yuletide 2007 Challenge for Kati-Lara<br/>Special thanks to Grayunderpants and Despina for the beta help and much love to my teammates at Liquid Passion for helping scanlate this fantastic series!</p>
    </blockquote>





	Second Chances

**Author's Note:**

> Yuletide 2007 Challenge for Kati-Lara  
> Special thanks to Grayunderpants and Despina for the beta help and much love to my teammates at Liquid Passion for helping scanlate this fantastic series!

Tooru sat curled up on Shige's couch, moodily gazing out the window. Snow fell gently outside, a rarity in Tokyo. It slowly began to cover the ground. It was a real contrast, the purity of the new fallen snow and what it concealed beneath-darker things, like broken needles and shattered bottles littering the alley, the refuse of wasted lives. Tooru had to wonder if he should count himself as one of those. He hadn't really gotten into the drug scene, but he'd found other ways to try to escape his pain. Alcohol had been a comfort for him; that and the endless string of johns who used his body had been enough to help numb him to the pain of Senpai's memory. However, what would he do now that he was burdened with a new sorrow?

Perhaps if things had worked out with Hikaru, he'd not have this mess he'd made of his life. Tooru gave a rueful smile. Given how love-sick the man was now for the princess, it seems like Hikaru had found a better match. And well, if he'd ended up with Hikaru, then he'd have never met Atori. Tooru couldn't stop himself from smirking with the thought of the kid. "Seems fitting that both started out as sex for money. Even funnier if you consider that my first love was the first man to pay me for sex and that my second love got me to stop taking money for it." Tooru chuckled-he never failed to amuse himself.

Love was such a complicated subject. He'd never really felt it until he realized his feelings for senpai, but by then it had been too late. At least he'd known he was loved in return. Yet, it was a cold comfort when coming from a parcel after Matsouka was no more than ashes in a far away land. Tooru fiddled with the hair tie on his wrist. Senpai's death had really affected him in more ways than he had ever really considered. Somehow, it only made that never-ending ache hurt more to think that maybe he'd lost Atori also.

Yet now, he had a chance to salvage his second chance at love. Tooru let out a gasp of laughter. That sounded rather dramatic given his youth and path so far. But, he had stopped whoring himself, and there had been a time when he'd figured only his age would cause him to do that. Hell, nobody had cared enough to want him to stop besides Atori. Sure, Hikaru gave him odd looks at times, and Shige had said he didn't need the money and to stop, but neither had cared because they wanted Tooru all for themselves. It had been a real shock when Atori told him not to let anyone else see his sexy post coital looks. That Atori wanted Tooru just for himself-hell, that anyone wanted anything of Tooru exclusively, that anyone would care for him that way, was a heady thought. But, Atori had left him even after saying that. Storming out of Tooru's apartment in a snit, and then going to fuck Hikaru of all people, these weren't the actions of a lover were they?

Tooru signed and stretched, it was now too dark to see the snow anymore. He leaned over to turn on the lamp and snagged his sketchpad from the low table in front of him. It was open to the last thing he'd been working on, a profile of Atori. The kid was depicted with a puzzled look on his face, like he'd just heard one of Tooru's acerbic comments and couldn't decide if he wanted to scowl or laugh. Tooru let his finger lightly trace the wavy lines he'd carefully shaded in for Atori's hair.

Atori's hair was definitely different from senpai's. It was all springy and dry when he'd had it permed. God, that kid had looked like such a fairy, and now that he'd let it go more natural, it was starting to get softer. Still, it was nothing like senpai's, whose hair was so luxurious, it felt like silk. The feel of it, falling all around his hips and thighs when senpai went down on him or dancing teasingly over his chest when senpai was thrusting into him, was nothing but pure pleasure. That was another way his lovers differed. Where Tooru had been new to sex with men and senpai had been his tutor, now he was fulfilling that role with Atori. Yet, Atori was far from being a generous pupil. That kid was such a prude, he wouldn't suck cock or let Tooru have a go at that virgin ass!

Senpai had been a fantastic lover: he'd always made sure that Tooru liked what they did. He might have been pushy at the start, but even when he was paying for it, he still wanted to make sure Tooru got off and enjoyed himself. And, damn, could the man suck cock! Senpai was fantastic with his mouth, using his tongue to do that little trick that had Tooru moaning and begging. The closest anyone had come to matching his lover's cock sucking skills had been Shige, which Tooru found odd because Shige was bi. But then again, Shige had always treated Tooru well. He had been the only person to know about senpai's death for such a long time. Yet, that hadn't been on purpose. There weren't many other ways it could have played out when Tooru had lost it in Shige's shop. That photo had done him in when Tooru pulled out that candid picture of Senpai, with his peaceful sleeping face and that lovely tattoo displayed so well. Tooru just hadn't been able to keep himself from breaking down into gut wrenching sobs, and Shige had been so kind despite the awkward scene. Shige hadn't even taken his money for the tattoo, letting Tooru pay with his body, being kind and gentle with him; it was comforting, to be able to be held by someone after such an emotional scene.

Tooru shook his head, trying to throw off the sorrowful memories before grabbing one of his thicker lead pencils off the table to start shading again. Now, Atori also knew about senpai. He'd been the only person Tooru had ever willingly shared his story with, and now his relationship with Atori was complicated. Hell, the kid himself was complicated. He was so passionate about everything, from arguing with Tooru about his tricks to how he cared about that whiney princess. It was fascinating to see someone so full of life when Tooru had felt completely empty for so long. And to think, it had all started off as a lark.

Tooru had always been a trickster, someone who liked to joke. But after Senpai's death, his humor had twisted and become dark and biting. He had always been a loner, someone outside the crowd, but after he'd scraped together the pieces of his fragile psyche in the wake of losing his lover, he felt so very jaded and bitter. He had seen the goodness in Atori, how he was genial and open, yet so confused about his feelings and his sexuality. Tooru couldn't help but exploit that, to try to corrupt that curiosity and confusion. Somehow, bringing another down seemed to ease his burden. The only time Tooru didn't feel that way was when he was with Hikaru or Shige, though now that Hikaru was acting so high and mighty since he was with that haughty princess he'd kind of wanted to hurt them, too. To think that Hikaru had repeatedly refused Tooru's offers, yet somehow a whiney infant had managed to capture the older man's attention. It just didn't seem fair that the princess would win what Tooru had wanted-that that prissy fairy would find someone as stable as Hikaru to love him.

Shige also wasn't a real lover. He was truly Tooru's best friend: he cared enough to let Tooru stay over whenever needed, Shige held Tooru when it'd been a bad night with a viscous trick, and he was willing to listen when Tooru just needed to have someone to talk to. But, he was still just Shige, someone who would never be tied down. Tooru let his lips curve into a half smile. Shige was a good person though; he didn't even mind when Tooru slipped and called him the wrong name in bed-he even always made sure to have a smoke afterwards because he knew Tooru liked the smell. And for Tooru, that meant he could indulge in the fantasy that he'd just slept with Senpai.

Senpai-God, his heart ached when he thought of him. Matsouka had been ripped from the world too soon, before Tooru could name his feelings and tell him. But, Tooru had a choice with Atori. He could walk away now, and let the boy go. He could return to selling himself for a couple more years, drowning his heart ache in alcohol and sex. Or, he could get up and go confront Atori. He could stop the pity party and see if the brat would tell him what he'd done wrong. Perhaps, Tooru would even be willing to make bigger changes than just the whoring. Surely, the boy understood what giving that and his other friends with benefits up had meant! Either way, if he went to see Atori, if he made the first move and risked himself, then, at least he'd know he'd tried. If senpai's death had taught Tooru one thing, it was to live in the moment since the next was never guaranteed.

Tooru flipped to a clean page in his sketchpad and scribbled a note to Shige. The man deserved at least that much, and even if Atori rejected him, Tooru was determined to get himself together. Going back home and returning to class was part of that-with Atori or not. Tooru carefully tore the note out and left it on the table before tossing the pad and pencil down. It was time for him to make his move. He quickly pulled on a sweater and his winter coat, forgetting his hat and scarf in his haste to leave. Time was of the essence, he needed to talk to Atori, and their conversation was already long overdue.


End file.
